I was going to write a social media blog that was about how awesome social media is. How it’s a cheap form of advertising, it’s easy for you to manage and it has all these wonderful bells and whistles that…well, pretty much everyone who makes a living out of social media writes. All those wonderful things about reporting and converting fans into loyal customers- I’m sure you’ve heard them all before?
Anyway, it’s time to come clean. All that stuff about social media is wrong.
The reality is most of us end up doing social media because it looks silly if we don’t. Or it works to help you find the initial people, but after the first six or 12 months of watching your followers and fans grow, you suddenly hit a wall.
After that, (especially if you’ve paid for your Facebook army), tumbleweeds start seeping in.
People stop responding.
So in some desperate attempt to keep the social media magic high, you start resorting to click bait content.
You start with a funny pic of a kitten, and before you know it, the only thing anyone will respond to is the stuff you really couldn’t care about. It’s frustrating and heartbreaking. Decent content is road kill on the super information highway and yet, some kitsch little joke featuring a swear word is top of the pops with your audience.
You keep putting it up. Every week when (you remember to) check your reporting, you can see that at least the people who clicked on that mindless piece of fluff are sharing it.
Maybe a fan will come out of that? You say to yourself.
So you keep putting up the crap until one day you’ve spent the entire day scouring meme sources and funny joke sites to fill your social media scheduling tool (or computer file for the coming week) and you realise how stupid a use of your time it is.
So you delete those unicorn jokes, the bad puns and the silly memes, and you feel strangely liberated. But empty.
You can’t ignore the fact you are Jonesing for your next social media hit.
From here, you start putting up photos of what you do instead.
Here’s you in a cafe with your mid morning meeting. All filtered and pretty.
Here’s the muffin you ate after they left. It’s an aerial shot.
Here you are doing a happy dance with a new client. Ignore the fact the client looks awkward and slightly bemused at you sitting in their lap.
Snap- filter- send across all the social. I’m connecting with people. But you realise soon this too is fleeting.
Then comes the social media over share.
The work is piling up! The work is great! The work is hideous! Must! Keep! Exclaiming!
I have 7 social media channels so I better share exactly what I say all the time on all of them all at the same time because…well, the 2 people that aren’t following me on one channel may miss out on my genius post.
I’d like to take 11 minutes out of today because my great-grandfather’s sister’s 2nd cousin’s cat’s original owner before the war had a daughter who had a friend in high school who sometimes bought broccoli from the local market, which is why I support St Patrick’s Day.
Share, share, share- See Ma, I have proof I’m having a life! Just check my social media channels.
Three months later, you finally enter the social media existential crisis.
Once you finally get the time to check out your Google Analytics all that fun tells an entirely different story about your social media.
Despite that amazing Facebook post you shared getting 129 likes, nobody bought shit.
That highly popular Pinterest post you have hasn’t translated into traffic to your website.
While you on the beach with that Instagram famous latte is still your favourite photo, nobody in their right mind is using your specially crafted promo tag to tell their friends.
All that content you have harvested and shared hasn’t change the fact things still aren’t selling.
So what do you do? Do you kick the ship’s cat right off the deck and join the group of naysayers in the corner who always knew this social media stuff was seriously bogus?
Do you join the crowd that says social media is nothing more than a black hole designed to suck out the time from our days and create anxiety in our lives?
Or you do you get two professional broads who have suffered the same pain and get them to take one last look at your abnormally purple, bloated and squishy social media and get it the help it needs?
Stop doing the wrong kind of social media
If you’re tired at looking at glamorised photos of people who don’t appear to have jobs outside latte appreciation and want to move past the Barnum and Bailey “roll up, roll up!” version of social media education, get your bum into a seat in Paddington.
Register now. If you email for your spot saying “I was wrong” in the subject line before March 16th, you’ll get $100 off.
Why? Because clearly, you’ve suffered and we want to help you. That’s why. Now get to it.