Are your high standards holding you back?

Perfectionism, high standards, excellence – we celebrate these concepts. But what role does having high standards play in reducing your opportunities?

Girls as young as eight stop trying new things because they don’t think they’ll succeed. Not just succeed but be at a top-level performance.

That’s a whole lot of little girls never learning if they like something because the first few tries aren’t immediately great. That’s a whole lot of potential lost because emerging perfectionism got in the way. And it’s a whole lot of avoidance of failure that’s often driven by shame.

That focus on minimising the risk of failure and defining learning as a “I must be great at this” experience has a dramatic effect as we age.

When girls and women can only tolerate a great result, we:

1. Stop taking risks
2. Develop rigid, fixed mindsets
3. Have difficulty defining a valuable contribution
4. Lose the ability to cope with feedback, criticism, and rejection
5. Internalise and personalise productivity as self-worth messaging
6. Shy away from innovation
7. Rob ourselves of learning opportunities
8. Do anything to avoid failure – including passing up on opportunities through to passing the buck when we make mistakes
9. Adopt perfection as a benchmark and badge of honour instead of a neuroticism we should be challenging for our own emotional wellbeing

The pressure of being exceptionally great, brilliant, and perfect slowly begin to seep out, eventually fostering:

1. Judging other people by unrealistic and unrealised standards
2. Gossiping and back channelling
3. Covert aggression
4. Hyper-competitiveness
5. Measuring worth in earning potential and/or following and influence
6. Power-based rankism and exclusion
7. Micromanagement
8. All-or-nothing standards
9. Caring too much about what people think
10. ‘My tribe to thrive (yours, not so much)’ mentalities
11. Forcing achievement and forward momentum rather than healthy striving
12. Burnout

challenging yourself to heal

To challenge unrelenting standards and all-or-nothing thinking, we need to relearn our value outside externalised measurements.  And we normalise failing, failing safely, and failing as a measurement of learning and experimentation.

That includes:

Not owning the room

Not needing to be the smartest person in the room is liberating. And accepting that being in places where we don’t have all the answers, cannot sway the audience, or control proceedings is a healthy, acceptable experience that is rich and valuable. Being a novice, newbie, and a little sponge is powerful. Embrace it.

Valuing curiosity

Building work and play that encourages experimentation and curiosity as its own reward. It’s not about “winning” or “succeeding.” These can be considered meaningful experiences in their own right, as well as a way to collect data and filter through choices

Being okay with unfinished missions

Recognising not everything will be finished and finalised, that there are things beyond our scope and control, is healthy. Abandoning a project for good cause is acceptable.

Embracing transparency

Putting fear of disapproval or being seen as less ‘good’ above truthful communication often results in gossip and creates dysfunctional personal relationships. We need to get comfortable with sharing honest, constructive feedback, our own boundaries, and contrary opinions. Saving them for closed sessions later isn’t healthy for anyone.

Moving away from all-or-nothing thinking

You don’t just have one shot at the title. You can learn by doing. It’s OK to spend time gaining momentum, learning the way through something, growing your competency, and having fun

Finding enjoyment without expecting a result or pay off  

You’re allowed to have a hobby that stays a hobby, a sport you can barely play but love to play anyway, and to connect things because they offer pleasure. You don’t have to monetise your joy

Choose self-compassion

Give yourself the kindness you would show a friend. Be the person that speaks to your inner child with encouragement. Let the standard you set for yourself be one built on encouraging you to do things rather than admonishing and goading yourself into it.

Need a hand to break-free?

Every single one of us has the power to be something emotionally, creatively, and vocationally rewarding. We can also be these things without feeling constrained, tied up, blocked, and unhappy.

If you’re tired of doing things only because you’re great at them without feeling connected to it, hit me up.

I am here to help you find what you really want to do in 2026. GET IN TOUCH NOW.